I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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