i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
