what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
