can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
