Kiss
Puke
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
