It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
