So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
