i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
