the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
