Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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