My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
