3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
