Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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