You really coming over, don't trick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
