Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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