Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
