I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
