If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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