Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
