Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
