Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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