i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
