It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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