Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
