Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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