Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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