thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
