were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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