i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
