It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
