you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
