I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
