I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
