I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
