oh god the rape fog is back!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
