Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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