Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
