haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
