that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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