i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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