I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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