I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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