You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
