I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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