i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i will never coherently bang her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
