Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
