Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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