In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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