Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
