just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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