i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
