He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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