i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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