you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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