We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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