I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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