I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
