Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
