yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My brain says no but my pants say off.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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