Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
