my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We have started to decorate penises.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
