hotel room ftw
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
