I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how does that bad decision feel?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
