What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
