I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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