They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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