I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
