i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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