The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
