I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
