im six kinds of drunk right now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
