youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
